This entry was the beginning of an "About" section of this website in 2018. I had just moved back from Calgary, I was ready to "get back together" with my agent (that did not happen), I was ready to audition, teach and move back to the city. Some of these things happened and if you're interested my resume page has the details.
It's fun to hear the voice from a former you. I recommend.
Dance has always been my first love, but the journey to feel successful in this industry hasn't been easy. Honestly, it's been very tumultuous at times.
I was a competitive dancer from ages 7 to 15. Straight lines, straight back, straight hair. Most competitive dancers I knew as serious as I was stayed with it until university, auditioned for cruise ships and music videos, moved to New York or L.A. or moved on to teach. But at 14 I decided to leave. I didn't feel like I fit in there anymore and my performing arts high school (Cawthra Park Secondary) offered many connections to a career as a performer through independent dance artists and contemporary dance companies in the community. At this time, I found much more freedom away from commercial dance and became engrossed by modern and contemporary styles. I felt they gave me the ability to move the way I wanted to, and after 10 years of dancing 7 days a week: until late hours, running my parents' pockets thin and matching my hand positionings to the other 14 dancers onstage, for a platinum award, it makes sense that I went swinging in the other direction.
Yes, I did learn to stretch my front foot!
Of course, this olympian-like training gave me a lot of "etiquette" and I had become very good a picking up choreography and noticing details. But, it became clear that with all my attention focused on "perfection" I had closed up my heart.
What's a teenager going to do about that? Not much, life's stressful enough being a teen. Plus, I didn't know if I was in a "safe space" (it wasn't a popularized term at the time and what high school is a safe space?) to tear down my walls and translate that into my performances. Still, I garnered many opportunities with my high school: we went to New York and performed at the 'Fame' school and chatted with the cast of 'In The Heights', we went to Florida and performed on the Downtown Disney stage! I felt that the decision to leave competitive dance and create time for this had paid off.
Well what did most of us do after highschool in the 2010s? Go to university. Though I had dreams to perform in 'A Chorus Line' and 'Wicked', but I believed I wasn't qualified to go to a musical theatre school. Still, I went to a university where I could sing and act on the side. Don't underestimate the power a conservatory-like program has to shape and mold artists into exactly what they want. I mean, 'assimilation' was on the report card, what did I expect? I am glad I went and I learned a lot, but did my walls come down? Did my heart open? Not really. In fact, it may have closed even more. Burn out in university is hard for every student, but I have to say, it's a special kind of burn out working with your body everyday and being around the same 30 or so folks everyday for 4 years. What energy would I have left to open up emotionally and then be told I'm "not dancing past my shins"? Yeah, beats me. But, during this time I was introduced to Jazz! Thank goodness! My last show was a performance to 'Take Five' by Dave Brubeck Band.
I moved away to study Jazz for 4 years. It was glorious. I felt like I was finally seen. I loved music again. I felt like my soul was bursting through my chest every time I grooved to a Jazzy beat. I was in love.
Jazz allowed me to feel free in a art form I had felt I was constantly needing to conform to in order to "succeed". I felt that it was something I could do to literally embody all my good qualities while telling a story and connecting with others. It uplifted me and it's easy to share when you feel light and bright and joyous!
I was able to take Guinean dance classes weekly and while Calgary is not the most diverse city I've lived in, it was the place where I began to understand my Blackness.
Teaching was always a last resort to me.
Whenever someone asked me when I'll teach at a studio or when I'll open a studio of my own. First of all, I felt attacked. I hadn't even joined a company myself yet! I hadn't travelled enough or shared my talent with the world! What would I have to share with young minds when all I've done is dance at a studio and at school? How could I feel accomplished sticking around in the same city all my life. Teaching always felt way too... secure? Yes, like I would have been signing a contract that said, 'til death due us part'.
But...
Now that I have found something that I have an immense connect to, I actually love teaching dance!
This was the first Jazz solo I had when I was 9, I still sing it occasionally.
This song was the first song I danced Jazz to in university, during my time there, in my last year and then in my first year in the Jazz training program.
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